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Jan19th

And now for something light and fuzzy…

Compliments of XKCD

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Nov29th

Calling all students who are parents too!

In an attempt to not feel as though I’m clinically insane for deciding to go to university, I formed a facebook group, “Parents Who Are Also Students“  If you feel that you fit the description, please join.  I would like to form a little community of us as a reminder (when things get more crazy than usual) that we’re not alone and we can get through it.

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Nov29th

Good grades keep divorced dads around

I came across this little article doing research on my latest term paper.  And then I shivered…

I got, what, 9 more years before Daughter is a teenager?  I can’t imagine what it would be like to be weekend dad and trying to maintain a bond with:

1.)  A teenager who thinks bonds with parents are lame

2.) A teenager with that special blend of angst and anger that makes parenting so…”enriching.”

The article:

After divorce, it can be difficult for non-resident parents to remain active in their kid’s lives. A new study finds the behaviour of adolescent children plays an important role in keeping the lines of communication open.

Daniel N, Hawkins, Paul R Amato, and Valarie King (American Sociological Review, December 2007) found that happy adolescents with fewer problems inspire, rather than result from, their non-resident fathers’ active involvement in the lives. Fathers are especially likely to get involved when their teens are doing well in school

Active dads influence their adolescents well being when they live together.  But when they live apart, the researchers speculate, the system of mutual influence breaks down.  Clearly, the parent-child relationship is not a simple one-way street

(Contexts 2008 7(2))

Any weekend-dads wanna share?  How do you stay involved with a teenager who doesn’t want to?

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About

Like most young men, I once had a certain idealized picture of what adulthood, marriage and fatherhood would look like.  It was based on images and ideas that we’re all force-fed as we grow up and I never questioned it…until it dawned on me that I was not going to live that imagined life.

I became the husband.  I became the father.  And then?  Then three years ago,  my marriage collapsed (have a look through the archives) and none of the ‘normal’ images fit anymore.  It was confusing, enlightening, terrifying and liberating  all at once.  Ex-Wife and I chose the co-parenting route and came to terms with the strange cycle of being  committed super-dad one week and childless bachelor the next.

Years after, I fell in love with a fantastic single-mom and we made a little blended family.  I thought the comfort of univerally recognizable images would return… but they haven’t.  And I don’t expect them to ever again.  Good riddence.

I am part of a new generation of divorced fathers who don’t see themselves as fitting into the old paradigm.   These next generation divorcees  are not satisfied with being part-time dads that ‘visit’ their children instead of ‘parent’ them.   New generation fathers  have step-child(ren) and rail against the love-less step-dad stereotype by learning to understand, bond with and love their step-child(ren) like they do their own.

This blog is about helping this generation of divorced dads through sharing insights and experiences that we uncover along the way.

Now go get a beer and have a look through the posts here.

If you’re a ‘New Dad’  as well that wants to do some guest-posting, let me know.

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